Thursday, 17 February 2011

How not to date.

As promised, probably my best friend here had three friends over from Ireland to stay last week. After a long build up I was pretty much dreading having to meet them on my own - I'm awful at group situations/meeting people.

It's Thursday and 9pm rolls around all too fast and the plan is for me to walk round for pre-drinks when I'm ready so at about half 9 I'm dragging myself up the steps to the flat. It's not as bad as I think as they've been drinking in the airport, on the flight, on the bus and are knocking back yet more as I sit myself down awkwardly. I put on my best smile and whip out my 'I'm cute and you'll love me' routine and the conversation flows easily. Hardest part over.

More people come over later on so we leave the flat to go to a bar and bam, not wanting to blow my own horn but it's pretty much straight away, I get individually attacked from all sides when each member of the group starts asking me questions like 'So, what do you think of Neil? He just told me he thinks you're really hot' and 'Do you wanna get with someone tonight?' Now Neil (not his real name) is the newly single gay friend and I actually think he's attractive but nothing happens that night for reasons that are threefold:

1. I hate the whole 'Tell your friend that I think he's hot' situation. Some of my friends do it but I'm a strong believer of 'If he wants it, he can come and get it'.
2. I've kinda forgotten how to deal with guys and aside from the carefully created image of myself that I piece together so I can be seen in public, I do not see myself as a attractive at the moment.
3. I only make the first move on very rare occasions.

Neil and I play the flirting game all weekend - him being slightly too interested in what I have to say, me not being able to hold eye contact. We get a little bit too close at various points over the many nights out but in the end he leaves with only my promise of a visit to Dublin which I think we both know I will not keep. Shame.

A few posts ago I mentioned the horrific November French guy vom fiasco. Well I hoped I'd never be reminded of the event but last week I received this message on Facebook:

Je t'ai vu à la fac de lettre aujourd'hui, j'ai pas osé venir te dire bonjours, que deviens tu?'

Roughly translated this is:

I saw you at uni today, I didn't dare to come over and say hello, what have you been up to?'

I don't particularly like him, don't have any interest in seeing him again but I see him everywhere. I still haven't messaged back. I might make small talk and then if he wants to do something say (lie) that I have a boyfriend. Awful.


Doomed But Cheerful! said...

You have other options:

Tell him that you have some ghastly infection.

Tell him that you are actually metrosexual, and apologise for having given out the wrong signals.

Tell him that you have to stay in an mail your recently discovered Uncle Gurney, and have a lot of catching up to do =]

CATC said...

Haha. These are brilliant.
I think they're all pretty believable and I will probably be using one in the near future, maybe face-to-face, if I run into him, for added effect.