Tuesday, 10 February 2009

A few potentials.

After being sat staring out of the window at the wispy clouds in the strangely clear blue sky with Tiesto's 'In Search of Sunrise Vol. 7' album playing in the background I have decided it's time for a belated post. The Internet is finally working and I have a mountain of stuff which I'm probably gonna have to skim through to avoid making you readers chew your own arms off.

The Big Gay Night Out
So we'd already planned to go and see Mastiksoul on the 31st in a big group - seems like ages ago - in one of the well known gay clubs in Liverpool. It's a Saturday and we'r
e psyched. Dave insists we go out really early as he considers himself to be the experienced one - I'm obviously just a newbie on the scene. We go to a couple of bars, some extremely scary ones where I'm genuinely terrified to leave the group and go the toilet, but also some really good ones.

A much more 'my kinda venue' and I'm dancing crazily on a raised area opposite the bar. I haven't noticed but I was told later that one of the guys nearby is constantly staring at me. I'm aware that he's there but oblivious of the interest. I think he's hot so as we're leaving to go to the last place on the crawl, as I'm walking past I drag my hand slowly across his chest without making eye contact. Nearing the doors Steph shakes me and is like 'Oh my god. That boy was totally staring at you. Go back and talk to him!' After little encouragement I run back up the stairs to the raised area and say something really witty like 'Hey'. I don't really know what's said or done after that but somehow we start kissing, I pull away and turn to leave, telling him to come to the club we're going to later on.

We eventually get to the club with a few more stops on the way and find he's already there but not alone. Apa
rt from his friend an extremely stunning guy is by his side and he's not being all that friendly. I'm a bit miffed by this and even more so when I'm told that the stunner is in fact his ex. Fun. I try to forget about it but we keep bumping into each other throughout the night and his friend finally comes up to me and is like 'He's not usually like this, he really likes you. What's your number? I'll text you when his ex is not around.' That's exactly what happens and with time to kill before the DJ starts his set (5am) we meet up at various parts of the club and kiss and grope etc.

In between seeing him I'm upstairs with Anna and this hot guy comes up to me and says:

'Hey, are you gay?' to which I reply


'Are you single?'


'Cuz you're really hot.'

'Thanks *smiles sheepishly*. So are you.'

We get talking and get on really well and after a bit he says he's gonna go find his friends. I say I should probably stop neglecting mine but just before we part ways I pull him in for a kiss. This is extremely unlike me. Me making the first move? Oh how much I've changed. He pulls away though but surprisingly
I really don't care. He then says 'I'm only joking mate' and pulls me back in. He's a really good kisser and he finds me again a few times in the night with lines like 'There are so many hot guys here tonight but all I can think about is you.' I don't buy them but it's nice to pretend for a bit. He gives me his number and comes off a little needy but I go with it anyway.

Soon enough I meet back with my friends and run into the coach's friend from the big rave a while ago. He tells me I look fit and I return the favour. To cut a long story short we stay for some of Mastiksoul's amazing set and then crash out back at the house. I end up sharing a bed with the coach's friend - don't worry, I make sure we're top-to-tail despite his best efforts (he's off his face on something or other) and we do manage to not do anything bar some foot hugging on his part.

The Aftermath
So I wake up with my feet being stroked - and odd way to wake up - and there are 3 missed calls from Mr. 'I think you're fit' and a missed call and a text from Mr. 'I'm gonna ignore you for my gorgeous ex'. I'm not sure how to deal with either so I ignore them and go back to sleep. The day passes by in a blur of all-you-can-eat Chinese food and saying goodbye to the coach's friend and before I know it Monday rolls around again.

I text both of the guys I met throughout the week and things are going pretty well until I go out and get absolutely wasted on the Thursday. I run into the coach's ex and tell him
I think he's really beautiful, then run into the one-night-stand, kiss him lots again and give him my number, before being sick on the street and maybe walking home. Not a good night. It has therefore made things super awkward at cheer - as if things weren't awkward enough as it is.

Anyway, more texts to the guys and one kinda fizzles out because I don't like him as much. I'm left with Mr. beautiful ex - we'll call him PC as they are his initials - and I ask him if he wants to do something at the weekend. He does. It's been all a bit too easy up to now. He always texts me during the day before I text him, he's always the last person to text back etc. He seems a bit keen.

The Date
It's a Saturday again - I'm shitting myself. This is my first official date so I don't even know the routine. It's also all on me to choose the perfect venue for 'a couple of drinks and a chat' and I'm crap at decisions. I rashly choose an alternative bar in the 'straight' area of town which I think gives off a sufficient 'I'm kinda edgy and cool' vibe and I end up alone in t
he kitchen downing ASDA Smart Price vodka mixed with Dr. Pepper. Good times. Yeah I'm tipsy and I stumble down to the bar and wait patiently for PC with yet another drink in my hand. It's a nervous wait and I busy myself pretending to read a leaflet which doesn't really have any words on it - I do this for about 15 minutes.

He finally shows up and as I planned I get up and hug him tightly and smile lots and as hoped a bit of the ice breaks. We talk, I basically push him to the bar to get me another drink, we talk some more. It's going well, I'm being just as cute as I want and I know my hair looks good because there's a shiny lamp next to me which I can't help but glance i
nto every now and again because I'm just that vain. A bit later on and the music is turned up loud. I kinda take this as a sign we should move on and we do but I am not deciding on a second place - I make sure it's up to him. He takes me down a side street to a fairly expensive cocktail bar which is rammed so after a little deliberation we decide to walk to his car.

I'm drunk, I direct him to my now empty house (my housemates are either at home or at a party) and I polish off that lovely vodka Dr. Pepper concoction I was drinking before I left. We sit on opposite sofas and talk some more after I show him the around. He's all too sober which makes me look extremely inebriated and we both have to suffer lines like 'My sheets are clean, care to test them out?' He laughs them off and I explain that I'm obviously not serious but he does in fact spend the night and most of the next day. We do everything apart from full on sex and I can kinda tell he likes me a lot. It's fun but I admit frantic texts to Amy feature in the situation asking whether things have moved too fast. She of course comes up with an objective view of the situation and for the most part reassures me.

We leave it on a good note at about half 5 in the afternoon the next day after talking in bed a ridiculous amount about our shared obsessions with 'Gossip Girl' and 'One Tree Hill'. Despite him getting a parking ticket things have been going well since. I'm meeting up with him for lunch on Thursday and he's invited me to his on Saturday night. It's Valentines day :/. Usually spent hating men/my life this time will be different. I'm not sure that's a good thing - I'm fond of being overly cynical for a day, it's comforting and if he dares buy me anything and/or makes an effort I may walk out. It'd be much too soon. I also think that's partly due to reading too many Heartless Bitches Anti-Valentine ecards. They're quite entertaining for the average single person/Valentine's day hater.

So there's the deal. This, put together with a guy Steph has met and thinks I'd live happily ever after with makes it seem as though I all of a sudden have loads of guy options. I've never experienced this before. It's a feeling I could probably get used to. I'm not sure I want a full-on exclusive relationship though. I'm not ready for that? Now I'm finally getting out there I suppose I wanna be single and go wild gay clubbing in Manchester and London sometime. Failing to find people to go with I may just get the train and go on my own. I get the feeling Liverpool is just the start of the gay lifestyle I crave. I'm still young and naive though and I just wanna have fun.

Seen as this post has taken such a fucking long time and I've got distracted and come back to it etc. I have actually moved onto listening to Azure Ray's 'Sleep' which is kinda appropriate as that is exactly what I can't do right now. I think I may try anyway.

Thanks for reading.
Over and out for now.

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Making up for lost time.

So. A lot has happened since my last update. There may be more than one post for it all. It's also snowed loads here and everything is pretty. I say loads, I mean like ankle deep - that's loads for England.

Thursday Night
As promised there was much gay foam fun with Paulo and his friend. We set off at about 10:30pm but as we're walking down my new Australian housemate spots us from the across the street. I have a moment of panic but then I realise I'm in just a t shirt in freezing conditions - I'm clearly really drunk. I can deal with this situation. He decides to come with us which I'm fine with and we make our way down to the gay quarter and get into the swing of things with a few too many drinks and foam in our hair. It's so much fun. The night goes on and I'm sure I recognise a guy stood a couple of feet away. It clicks, it's one of Amy's gay friends. I like to think of him as 'the guy who stole Amy from me' as she generally sees far more of him then she does of me. He's hot but I know for a fact he has a boyfriend. Due to texts from Amy saying to keep my hands off and that he's taken and my own better judgement I decide to
be good and not flirt too heavily. We do end up dancing with each other quite a lot though. I often wonder if he's flirting with me or just being drunkenly friendly. Hmm.

People eventually get tired and I'm itching to move on to the regular end-of-the-night bar. We have a chat in the street and I make it known that I really don't mind going on my own but Paulo insists on coming with me. His friend and the Australian go home. Whilst we make our way to the the club I get a flattering but unwanted piece of information. He starts by saying there is a guy he really likes but he's not sure if the guy likes him back. I don't get it in my drunken state so he tells me it's me and I fight off the awkwardness with a 'I'm so flattered but I see us more as just friends Paulo!' and he seems to be OK about it. In the club we dance and have fun and I run into the coach's ex from the squad. It's clear there's something between us - well to me it is - and we hug tightly for ages and Paulo, I think feeling a bit left out, asks me if it's OK if he leaves now I've found friends. I tell him it's fine and get a round of shots in. Later on I run into the coach's crew from a couple of Fridays back. It's nice to see them all but it also means I'm getting hit on by the gay guy again and that the coach is somewhere in the vicinity. I don't really bother myself with looking for him - over it. I've made progress in that area. I just dance the night away with little care of who's around me.

This changes later on though. A fairly attractive guy comes over and starts to
grind up against me. I'm evidently loving it and go in for the kill - we kiss pretty much non-stop to closing time and he pulls me into a taxi and blurts out his address. We chat. It's all superficial - just a precursor of what's to come. Something to fill the interlude. In his bedroom at last and he's a bit vocal with 'I never find guys I like in that club', 'You're so gorgeous', 'I just love your arms' and 'You're such a good kisser'. I know these are all lines but they're nice at the time - I make sure I don't get too fond of the praise though, he probably won't mean it in the morning. I'm not really one for the whole void compliments thing so I stay altogether silent, apart from the moaning of course.

The rest is a blur and in between kissing, sucking, rimming and fingering I make him cum 3 times in the duration of the night and morning. I finish twice but as natural light slowly floods the room I'm not nearly as hot for him as I was under lamplight. I try my best to be cute when we wake up and we chat some more but it's obvious he wants me to leave so I get dressed and he points the way telling me it's not far - I have no idea where I am. I'm so unpractised at all this as I've never gone back to a guy's place before. I feel like such an amateur but at the same time I also feel oddly in control. I give him a loose hug at the door and tell him I had fun. Not too much time
later and I'm totally lost. I search for a street sign I think a phone call is in order. It turns out that the cheerleader Steph is seeing is the only one who picks up and he assures me that I will eventually make it home and gives me directions. It's the worst walk of shame ever. Forced to walk past numerous bus stops packed with judging eyes I want to run the rest of the way, but I do in the end shut the front door behind me and run upstairs. I'm frantic to make it look like I've slept in my bed so I throw on my pyjamas and am just quick enough to fake a bleary eyed look as a housemate who doesn't know I'm gay comes into my room. It definitely isn't my finest hour.

I of course tell Steph and Anna everything and they're at a loss to why I didn't get the guy's number. I say that I didn't really see it going any further. I talk to Dave about it all later on and from the first name I give him he tells me he thinks he knows who it was. Me not really being on the scene wouldn't know but if it is who we think he's a bit well known round the clubs. This makes me so glad I didn't ask for his number.

My first one night stand. I'm not sure I feel any older after it.
Much more to follow.
Back soon.