Saturday, 6 December 2008

Going GaGa.

OK. I may be a bit behind on the times with this one but I've just recently discovered how amazing Lady GaGa is. In my defence, I do live in the UK where randomly her single 'Just Dance' hasn't been released and won't be released until the 29th of December. I don't understand why when it's been around for a while and topped charts around the world and that. Are we just not liked in the world yeah? To be honest, I don't really blame you if you don't like the British, we're not nice people :p

Anyway, back to the topic. She's good, if you don't agree - you're wrong. Simple as. After watching the video linked to above, first impressions aside I think you're gonna have to read her wikipedia page. She makes her own stage outfits, does her own choreography, writes her own songs and yes, she also sings them. Obviously talented, she's somewhere approaching original as well. I love her at the moment just because she has personality. Saying that I can't help but adore Miss Britney Spears who evidently can't sing brilliantly and has had a huge career built around her by clever people behind the scenes - it must be built in my DNA or something.

I met up with Amy this week. It was good, we ate bad food, talked for hours and I realised how much I've missed her. I moaned about the coach wayy too much as I slowly slide into obsession about him. It's all too apparent that I am now starting to lose my sanity over something a bit trivial. Always in the power seat in any kind of relationship because of how hot she is, I knew Amy would be the perfect person to ask for advice about it all. We came up with 4 possible 'risks' which I'd have to take in order to get what I want seen as things have pretty much fizzled out:

Risk 1
I actually can't remember this one at all. I think it might have been the 'lay it all out on the table' approach. Talk to him about everything. This does sound inviting as there's kinda been a bit of a communication break-down between us recently. However, I'm a bit dubious about pulling out the ol' heart out-pouring card because 1. I'm a bit shy and 2. Was it enough of a thing in the first place to warrant any type of serious conversation? So this has been discounted.

Risk 2
Text him pretending to be drunk whilst truly being sober to get my feelings out. I thought this one was a bit of genius but apparently people know that it's done nowadays. I may be willing to take that chance though because it means afterwards I can play the mortification card. This will help in general conversion at cheer because I'll have an actual role to play meaning I'll be able to start up a conversation and throw in a pinch of cuteness to the act as well - ooh the games we play.

Risk 3
Completely ignore him. Not in an obvious way of course, like not in an actual refusal to speak to him kinda way, just a high-road aloof kinda way because things are always oh so much better when you just don't care. This plan has holes in it though as he could in fact just have lost all complete interest and ignore me as well meaning it fizzles out into absolutely nothing as opposed to just nothing as it is now. This is worse case scenario number 1 in my opinion, I'd rather just be flat-out rejected.

Risk 4
Let him know that if he wants it, he can come and get it. This makes me sound wayyy to easy, a no no.

Risk 5
Get someone else and make sure he knows about it without him knowing that I've made sure he knows about it. A tricky one at the best of times, this could go badly wrong and end up with people not being too fond of me. A big risk. Oh and it also involves finding someone else - maybe I could pay someone?

OK. Just to outline the actual goal, I want him to want me. Yep, selfish is the correct word here - and I'm not even ashamed. I don't however want anything serious to come from this which in theory should be fine with him because he's the one with the whole 'casual' idea in the first place. Casual has not happened however, NOTHING has happened. I plan to start at least something up again and being human there's clearly no possible way we could just talk things out, games have to be played, people have to be manipulated.

So, to the choice. With the help of Amy, Risk 3 was chosen. It is after all the least risky as it requires nothing being done but in some ways it's the hardest to actually do because it requires nothing being done. I've been itching to text him all week but refrained. I'm proud of that. In my head though it's crunch time - he has not texted me either. In my eternal fear that worst case scenario number 1 will come to fruition I really really really want to take action. This is why I'm considering Risk 2 this very moment. Can I pull off a fake drunk text though? I'm not sure about that one. It also has to be inappropriate as well. Like not a 'friend' text or things just won't change. It cannot however touch upon relationship talk - that's out of bounds and will probably just scare him off. I'm overthinking this wahayy too much right?!

I'll let you know how it goes/if I go through with it hopefully before I lose all of my marbles.
Back soon.