Sleep the loneliness off.

I've been on my own this weekend - the first time since the long period before uni started. It's been good, I've been allowed to think in other places than the toilet, but I must admit - I have got a bit lonely and not really knowing what to do last night I rolled into bed at about 11, feeling very sorry for myself after listening to Radiohead for about 4 hours. I'll tell you why in a bit.

The Birthday Night Out
Yep it came around - Dave's Birthday. Steph had of course gone to far too much effort with it all and coming home from uni on Thursday I'm met with balloons everywhere and party food laid out. The plan is to all meet at our house, seen as Dave pretty much lives here anyway, and then go into town and eventually some gay bars. Dave and Mr. Perfect arrive and the fact that it's just after cheerleading and I still haven't eaten any tea mean that after a can of Strongbow I can feel it and after 2 I'm on my way to getting drunk. Despite knowing this I continue to drink ridiculous amounts as the house slowly fills with more people and before I know it I'm doing cheerleading stunts out front with Dave, another guy and Steph as the flyer. This is not a good idea but somehow we pull off twists, extensions, and single basing without incident.

Already not fit for walking very far we finally make it into town and a couple of bars later we get to the gay area and meet some of the cheerleaders and namely, the coach. OK, I've liked the coach since I met him, yeah I also like someone else on the squad but it actually isn't impossible to like 2 people at the same time! Anyway, the 2 that I like just happen to be exes so I shouldn't get involved to avoid a messy situation, right? Well, about 5 minutes into meeting up with the coach - I'm so drunk by this stage I can't remember how things happened - we're kissing against the bar. I'm suddenly telling him I like him and he keeps pushing me away. Miffed, but very drunk I do not get the hint and keep going back for more. Moving around a couple of bars we end up in my old haunt - my first gay bar, where my first kiss happened, and the toilet incident. I think I was acting a bit outrageous to be honest because I remember grinding with the coach loads and just being a bit inappropriate. I can't really remember if he enjoyed it or not! The night unfolds and after much more dancing and attempted kissing it's time to go home and I'm being dragged away.

I don't leave, however, before we run into the other guy that I like off the cheerleading squad. We start talking and he says to me 'I hope you know how much of a dick Dave is.' Bewildered I think I actually say something super intellectual like 'Huh?' The rest of the conversation goes like this:

'Well you do know that we had sex? Don't you?'

'I'm sorry, what?'

'Well he kept saying to me how much you'd pay to be in his position.'

'What?! He got with you knowing I liked you and then lied about it to my face!'

'Yeah. Don't trust him, he's not a nice person.'

(me starting to embarrassingly kinda half crying kinda half groaning in despair.) - Yep, I can remember that bit even though I wish I couldn't. In the end Dave himself comes to get me to leave and apparently I tell him to fuck off and leave me alone - I do not remember that bit. It's up to what seems like the only straight guy there - the guy that bases with me at cheer - to drag me away and I'm the perfect representation of drunken tears as we go get food, as we're eating the food, as we look for a taxi, in the taxi but by the time we get home I'm stumbling upstairs into bed thinking only of sleep.

The Aftermath
It's Friday morning, I'm feeling rough but Steph bursts into my room at 9 and is like 'Oh my God, you kissed the coach!' I'm not impressed by this arrival. She gets into bed next to me and we talk and I'm giddy cos I really like him and she's giddy because she's loving the thought of it. We don't talk about the Dave thing because she doesn't know but she leaves and Dave comes in and I confront him - he denies everything, I tell him I don't believe him, he leaves.

Feeling kinda bad, I'm taking the word of someone I barely know over one of my friends, I go downstairs to Steph's room. As the house empties of people that stayed over it's just Dave, Steph and myself left. We talk, he denies everything. Both me and Steph tell him we believe him. I say I want to know the truth over anything else and that if it comes out that he's lying I'll be a thousand times more annoyed. He has so many opportunities to come clean bit doesn't - just sits in silence. Neither Steph nor I believe him but we don't say anything. He leaves when his boyfriend comes over.

Steph and I talk and I explain that it's not the fact that it happened that annoys me - it's the fact that he's lying about it. I say that he obviously did it with malicious intent from the things he said and the fact that he had no intention of going any further as he was trying to get together with Mr. Perfect (his current boyfriend) at that stage. I'm pissed off. As of yesterday Dave still thought we believe him until I text him saying that I'd prefer it if we didn't speak for a while because I'm not cool with everything. I'm not and I don't think I can speak to him without getting angry. You do not lie to your friends, you just don't do it.

Steph gets a phone call on Friday though. It's from the coach. Steph being Steph plays things perfectly. She says all the right things about me and tells me everything later. It turns out that he was pushing me away because he doesn't want to jeopardize things with the squad and make things awkward and that if he'd given in he'd have taken me home. I'm giddy all over again - I really like him. He says he's sent me a Facebook message as well. I love Facebook at that moment. I check Facebook. It's short and sweet just asking how I am with a light hearted tone. I message back with an apology for being so drunk and say that I'd spoken to Steph and that the last thing I want to do is mess things up at cheerleading, Dave has done enough messing up already. He messages back thanking me for being cool and mature and I say that he shouldn't expect anything less.

The Plan
Seen as I'm not really speaking to Dave and half the squad pretty much detest him - they all know what's happened between me and him with the other guy involved but he's also messed about with a girl as well (he's bi-sexual remember). So, the plan would be to go to cheer on Monday separate from Dave - we usually arrive together with Steph - just to let people know I'm not OK with everything. Part 2 of the plan is to look amazing, just because that should be a part of every plan. I'm thinking a vest is the way to go or a tight t shirt with far too much effort put into my hair. Is it gonna be awkward? Are people gonna talk to me? Are people gonna be pissed off because I do in fact like 2 guys on the squad? Who knows, but I'm willing to brave it.

I'll let you know how it goes.
Back soon :)