In the spirit of keeping on top of things and blogging more often I've decided to just plain old make some time for it.
I feel strange. I've gone from 'Physical contact? I'm sorry, what now?' to 'How about a quickie in nightclub toilets' in the space of about a month and a half. I don't really understand how I've got here mentally. Maybe I haven't.
After being sure I had this post planned out in my head, now it comes down it it's not going too smoothly. I'm sat on my bed with my laptop listening to an old Radiohead album - Pablo Honey - and being all a bit too pensive. I think I'll take this total lack of content as an opportunity to write more about myself:
1. I'm in a constant battle with greasy skin and spots. I wash my face and take more care than most but I can't seem to shake the teenage skin. It may be because I am in fact still a teenager.
2. I'm about 5' 9", perhaps a bit taller. I kinda like my height. I'm not in any way 'hot' so my not too tall stature means that I can possibly make 'cute' work for me? That's probably only if I try really hard with my appearance mind.
3. I'd say I was fairly straight acting. I mean, I have been fooling people for years so my flame musn't be that bright.
4. I find myself with no money on too many occasions. I tell myself that I'm good at budgeting but find out that I'm probably the worst person in the world at it, try to teach myself a lesson in money management which then fools me into thinking I'm good at budgeting again and the cycle continues. You'd have thought I'd have learnt by now.
5. I'd say I was shy but I've become much much better at meeting new people as I've grown up. I've only ever been shy because I've not been comfortable being myself around people I've just met. This is still a bit of a problem but I just deal with it better now.
6. I think I can handle just about anything apart from a) being humiliated, b) a person losing respect for me. I generally believe that there are much worse things than people insulting you. That's nothing.
7. I sometimes think that people think I have no personality and I'm terrified of that. I'd rather people hated me than that.
8. I can be extremely nasty at times. Mostly it's deserved. If it isn't and it's someone I care about I feel absolutely awful about it for weeks.
9. I dwell on things too much, find it difficult to move on from bad events. I find it extremely easy to move on from good things though. I don't think I acknowledge good things in a normal way, I sort of use them to reinforce my mental stability so the bad doesn't bring everything crashing down.
10. I weigh about 145lbs. It's mostly muscle despite not doing much at the moment as the last couple of weeks of cheerleading have been hard. I think I'm actually growing a new back because my old one just wasn't good enough. That's definitely what it feels like anyway.
That was a fun list.
As a bit of an update and to add to the the unstructured mess this post has become, I told Anna that I'm gay the other day. The conversation was a short one which I hate. I'd rather people got everything out of their system and asked as many questions as they could think of. I knew this wouldn't happen with Anna though. She's so laid back she's pretty much horizontal. That doesn't mean that she has no questions though. I've had Steph on the case in an attempt to gossip and draw things out of her when I'm not around. It hasn't worked.
I'm also at the point where a small taste of a life that isn't sex-less has driven me to a bit of an obsession with getting a guy to myself. It's not like I wasn't obsessed before but now I have options it's increased about ten fold. There's this new guy at cheerleading. I'm using the term 'new' loosely as he's actually a veteran but just hasn't been to many this year. Apparently he's the coach's ex and he's kinda cute. He has piercings - I know right, unconventional for a cheerleader - and I've heard he's a really nice guy as well. A bit of a Facebook stalk has told me that we're into some of the same things and as far as I know he's single. The bad news to all this is that Dave also likes him so I may have a fight on my hands and seen as we've been from friends to more than friends to almost rivals (as that's pretty much what it's become lately) it could get a bit messy.
Over and out for now.
P.S. I'm using the numbering and relatively small paragraphs to warrant not putting pictures in. I'm feeling a bit lazy.