This is kind of a continuation of the last post and it's a bit juicy. Well, juicy by my standards anyway and I'm trying to stop myself getting too excited. Seen as the last post was maybe a bit of a chore to read due to the length I'm gonna split this one into sections so it looks more inviting.
As I said in the last post I went to a 'rave' on Saturday night. It was me, Dave, Steph and Steph's friend from home dancing as if our lives depended on it from about 11 till half 4. I loved every second of it. There were DJs there such as Eric Prydz who was amazing and although the tickets were quite expensive it was well worth it. Steph has made me into a full on dance music convert so I had the time of my life. The night consisted of us dancing, getting water, drinking water, drinking booze and me accompanying Dave on frequent trips to the courtyard for a smoke. We talked loads and had so much fun, did I mention we had fun? and it was really the first time I'd seen what was underneath the extremely extrovert exterior. There was no one really about to be confident to so he was honest and real and it made me like him even more.
Leaving the club at about 4:30am we head up the road in search of a taxi, can't find one so we decide to walk home. It's not too far and not the coldest of nights so it's not long before we stumble into the kitchen trying but failing to be quiet. Drunk, high and tired we move one of the sofas from the kitchen into Steph's room and it ends up being Steph, Dave and myself in a bed with Steph's friend on the sofa. Yeah, it's a bit of a squash but Dave is lying next to me so I'm loving it. I don't know if it's because I'm not really of my own mind but we start cuddling about 3 hours after getting in. It's more him that initiates it but of course, I reciprocate and it literally lasts the whole night. I'm so out of it though that I don't really appreciate it for what it is which I'm scolding myself now for.
I don't really know what's going through his head though. I mean, I don't think he thinks I'm gay, I think maybe he's just that out of it that he just wants someone to cuddle, doesn't really care who it is. He's actually perfect despite that, he whispers in my ear things that make me feel special and holds me tight saying that he'll protect me. This is exactly what I want. He feels that my heart's racing at some unknown point in the night and asks me if I'm ok, I reply that I am and he asks me if I have a hard-on. I reply that I don't as calmly as possible. It's a lie. I make sure his hands don't travel down that far just in case. Loads of my flat mates come in at various points of the morning and see what we're doing but don't seem shocked or surprised, they don't really say much. Even in my mind altered state I'm still worried about this. We get up late late in the day on Sunday and Steph's friend goes to the train station and Dave eventually leaves. I don't quite know what to think of it all.
Play it as cool as possible. I'm gonna do the whole 'nothing happened' act and see how it goes. He's the type that doesn't betray his feelings at the time but I know he tells Steph a lot so I'll drag it out of her when he's not about. I really like him and there's a chance he may like me too. That has never happened to me before. I am planning on telling him that I'm gay, whether it's now or later. I'll probably tell Steph first and then find out what she thinks of it all. What will happen if I tell him? I have no idea. He may lose interest and only enjoy wanting something that he can't have. I'm worried about that. I want more than anything to have him as a friend so I'm gonna try my best not to put pressure on him to want to be with me. Whatever happens, I want him in my life.
Thanks for reading.
P.S. I have a bit of a back-log of posts. The Internet has being working on and off here so I've been having to go to the library to access blogger and put up what I've already written offline. This is a bit of a chore but it's gonna be worth it. I do in fact know what happens next in the saga as this is Wednesday and I'm talking about Saturday and Sunday. Since then a lot has happened and I'll post it all once this one has been up for a bit. Stay tuned.