Friday, 29 August 2008



As you know I've finished my resits and I've spent the majority of the past couple of weeks on my own. It's been fun, I mean, I've been alone with my thoughts. I don't have anyone telling me what to do either. I can cook what I want and not care if the kitchen smells or if I'm watching crap on TV. All in all, life alone is good. there's no one to judge me or tell me their opinions. I can truly be myself.

However, as with everything, there are a few drawbacks. Due to lack of contact with the outside world, I've resorted to recording myself and video blogging or vlogging for those in the know. It feels really strange as you're just talking to a camera, not even a person and I'm not sure I'm being myself, probably 'uptight trying too hard' me but I'm sure I'll get used to it. So far I've pretty much been a bit of a girl and talked about 'my feelings' (at what point did I start needing this many outlets for them?) which means that I wouldn't upload the videos onto the Internet or anything at the moment which kinda defeats the object. Anyway it's a useful way of documenting things and maybe, just maybe (if you're very unlucky) depending on how my life pans out they may appear on here at some point. We'll just have to see how everything goes.

There's also the fact that living alone means that I'm truly alone. This was brough
t to my attention in a not too pleasant way a couple of nights ago when I was watching adverts, or commercials if you're not from around here, and it was getting late so it was dark outside. I think there was a run of about three adverts promoting horror films out at the cinema or on DVD. One of the movies advertised was the reknowned '[●REC]' and whoever said that foreign films are the scariest was probably right with this one as it looks terrifying. Now in the best of circumstances horror films don't generally agree with me. I mean I like watching them but yep, I admit it, I get scared quite easily. Seen as the movie is about people in an apartment block at night, the advert was close enough to my situation to freak me out. There was also another advert for 'The Strangers' which is about two people in a house who probably die. These two coupled with the fact that there are no working lights in the hall or any of the landings (on three floors) and I thought I was hearing sounds of laughter from the multitude of empty rooms drove me to almost hysteria. I ended up running up the stairs, shutting my door and refusing to leave my room. It wasn't fun. It's just fortunate that people are coming to visit me this weekend :p

Thanks for reading.
Back Soo

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

10 reasons.

I found this somewhere on the internet as it's been circulated a lot. It gave me a much needed laugh and I laughed even harder when I read that people were getting the complete wrong end of the stick in the comments section of the blog it was on.

"10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Will Ruin American Society.
  1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans ™ always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
  2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
  3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
  4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
  5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
  6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
  7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
  8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
  9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
  10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans."
Now I'm not saying I want to get married or anything I just think that gay people should have the choice. I think that this is also good at illustrating how ridiculous some people's views are.

Back soon.

Saturday, 23 August 2008

Hose me down.

Just what is it about firemen?

Of all the men in uniform it's firemen that always seem to have the edge. Yeah men in the military and the navy and mechanics are hot but firemen can never be forgotten. Is it the whole heroic saviour thing that's so attractive? The comforting knowledge they seem to create that, no matter what, they will always be man enough to look after you and keep you safe? They're not afraid to get their hands dirty and they react well in a crisis and let's face it, they've fought fires and saved the helpless. Anything else life throws at them they should be able to deal with.

Or is it the fact that they are pretty much always guaranteed to have killer torsos? Their ever active lifestyles and grueling training regimes must pay off as every firemen I've seen is in really good shape and the half naked calendars they do to raise money is in itself a testimony to how hot they are.

Whatever it is we are sure lucky to have them :p

Back soon.

Friday, 22 August 2008

The pursuit of perfection.


The hardest part's done, I've finished my resits. They were hard, I may or may not have failed, I could have done more work for them and throughout each one I couldn't get Ashlee Simpson - Outta My Head , outta my head. So they could have gone a lot better. I'm just constantly hearing about people who have the perfect ten A* grades at GCSE or whatever and I feel completely inadequate because I'm resitting. Yeah I should have done more work but I kinda had a lot on my plate during exam time (see previous post).

I'm just so glad they're finally over with. A couple of weeks of being in the city but not actually being able to be part of it and do anything has taken its toll. I've been eating like crap, living like crap, not getting enough sleep all for something that may or may not mean I get into the second year at uni. The closest to face to face conversation I've had this week was when the person on the till at tesco asked me if I had a clubcard, I said no. It's left me crawling up the walls with the lack of real human company. This has not meant that I've done loads of work though, which is the worry. It's really hit home because some people already know whether they've passed or not and to hear that people I know have failed and won't be coming back next year is strange. It sounds all too real.

Now I don't have any work, I don't know what to do with myself. It's always the way that when you have work to do you can think of a million ways to fill your day which don't involve doing any of it, and when you don't, you can't think of any. To stop my fall back down to staying up all night doing nothing and then getting up well after noon I've decided that I'm actually gonna do stuff. I've got a gym membership for a place that's about two minutes away and I'm gonna try my very best to get as hot as I possibly can. My plan is to while away the hours researching training regimes, doing the training regimes, researching how to change my diet, actually changing my diet, keeping the house clean and of course doing some blog posting. Any regular gym goers out there want to give me a few tips? I know It's gonne be tough to stay motivated and I'll make mistakes but I've read A LOT about it so I have a rough idea on what's crap and what's not on how to get the body of your dreams. I'm looking forward to finally not being envious about other guys and just going out there and getting what I want. I accept that the chances of me ever looking like an Abercrombie & Fitch model are slim to none but it doesn't hurt to try :p

I suppose the update on my 'coming out' would be that I want desperately to tell one of the girls I'm living with for the next academic year if I've passed my exams. She's a cheerleader, she has loads of gay friends and she loves going to gay clubs. She's basically living a life that I should be (apart from the cheerleader bit) and I'm very jealous. There's of course the whole 'will she tell people? won't she?' bit that I'm constantly worried about with everyone in the world because I could do without the other people I'm living with knowing as they are the guys from halls (see previous post), but I'm gonna have to get over that. I've backed out a couple of times up to now and I've had loads of opportunities so yeah, I've been a bit of a pussy but I've never really been comfortable saying the 'by the way, I'm gay' bit out loud. She'll be the first person I tell face-to-face and I really think it has to be that way. I want her reaction in real time, time to talk things out a bit. Anyway, she's not here at the moment and won't be coming back for a week or two so I guess I'll just have to wait, sit and stew over how I'll bring it up.

I'll keep you updated on how things go with everything.
Thanks for reading.
Back soon.

Monday, 18 August 2008

Weeds... awesome.

If you haven't caught any of it you
need to, it's one of the best shows out there at the moment. Not airing on regular channels in the UK (I think it's on sky, which I don't have. Just the regular 5 terrestrial channels at the moment I'm afraid) it's more difficult to watch on TV here but it's nothing that can't be solved using the internet or moving to the US :p

The writing of this programme is brilliant I reckon, it's forever keeping you guessing and on it's fourth season it just gets better and better. The cast are all really good as well and extremely well chosen, they fit their roles perfectly. Mary-Louise Parker plays a mother (Nancy Botwin) who deals with her financial troubles by selling pot to support her family. Despite being around it all the time she is never depicted as much of a smoker, it's purely business, and that's just one of the clever things that sets her apart from the rest of the characters as yeah she's a dealer but we can still see her as a mother at the same time. She predictably has brushes with the law and a lot of people think that she's a cold hearted bitch but I don't. I think she just has the balls to do what she has to when it counts, no matter how unlawful it is. I respect her for that.

It's also shocking how Mary-Louise Parker hasn't aged a day since the start of the show. She's what, 44? and she's as hot as ever. She's either had a whole lot of surgery and has the best personal trainer in the world or she's discovered the secret of eternal youth. A few episodes ago she was wearing dress that just came down to the top of her thighs and I swear there was not a sign of cellulite. I mean, I thought cellulite was something 40+ year old women just gave in to.

Another very good reason to watch Weeds is the fact that, especially in the most recent episodes, Hunter Parrish (who plays Silas) is crazy hot. A bit of a troubled teen, Silas obviously thinks he's right all the time and Hunter plays it perfectly. There are also a few episodes where he's shirtless which is a nice bonus :p

So these are a few of many reasons why you should go and watch Weeds. You won't regret it.

Thanks for reading.
Back soon with an update of my life in the present.

How exciting.

Saturday, 16 August 2008

Background Story 4: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

As the title says, this is part 4. I promise there won't be many more after this one, or this may be the last. I know I'm being a bit obsessive about explaining previous events before I start writing ones as they happen but I want it to be ordered I suppose.

Anyway, after telling Haley and feeling things were on the right track I broke down. I really don't know what it was that triggered it. I was alone in halls because exam period was going on. People on my floor had either already finished their exams or had gone home to revise for them. I was not going to go home, I revelled in life without my parents and their views so I was left largely on my
own. I'm not sure if it was the lack of people to talk to about my feelings, or the fact that the year was ending and I was aware that on the whole, not much had changed, but I cried for about 3 weeks, one of those was pretty much solid. This was during my exam period so as you can guess I wasn't really in a fit state to do revision and I had a string of panic attacks (as I found out what they were later) and remember putting myself to bed pretty much every time I had one. I didn't really know what to do or how to stop them so I resorted to talking about them with one of my friends at another uni. I'll call him Clark. He's been one of my closest friends since early high school. I can't remember how we met, or when we got really close but he's always related to me on a different level from other people. In general, I think friends appeal to different parts of our personalities, that's why we can talk about some things with some of them and different things with others. Well think of the person who you can talk about the most with, all your flaws and defects, whether you secretly like Star Trek or not, what your most controversial views are. I suppose Clark was that person. I mean yeah I probably annoy the hell outta him and I'm sure he's got closer friends but we've talked so much over the years that we've gotten to know each other pretty well.

Back to the story. It felt good to tell someone about what I was going through but of course I couldn't let him in on the real reasons I was feeling this way and having these attacks. At that time, and I suppose even now, I thought that telling girls would be fine and that most of them wouldn't mind but guys would pull out guns and knives and chase me down the street, so I didn't tell him. I hadn't contacted my parents in ages by this point and they were wondering how I was doing with my exams but every time I spoke to them I broke down and had to hang up. They talked to my sister about it so she rang me and I told her I was gay. It was kinda impulsive but I told her everything and made her swear not to tell anyone else, especially not my parents. I didn't really know what else to do to make myself feel better. I wanted more than anything for everything to be out in the open. She said she was fine with it but with lines like 'you've always done what you wanted anyway' and 'i don't care what you do, you've always told me to stay out of your life and that's what I'm going to do' I knew that I couldn't really count on her full support.

After that things died down for a patch and I was nearing the end of my exams, which I'd failed almost all of, and I just wanted to forget about things so I could clear my head. I moved back home from uni to a house with my parents and my younger brother as my sister was away, expect
ing things to be normal, well, like they had been for most of my life. They weren't. The night I moved back I was up late as I usually am and my mum came down the stairs, sat on the sofa next to me and turned to look at me. I knew straight away that she knew. My heart started thumping and I had that feeling like when you get caught doing something you shouldn't be. She asked me why I'd said what I said to my sister and claims that it wasn't my sister who told her but I don't believe her, I knew deep down that my sister probably would've. I couldn't answer that question, I'd obviously said what I'd said because I felt it was true. She kept asking me throughout the conversation and I kept telling her that it was a stupid question but she wouldn't listen. This was interspersed with lines like 'how do you know?' (I hate that question! I think men are hot that's how I know! I should've asked her how she knew that she was straight!) and 'I don't understand', 'I can't accept it' and 'it's just wrong'. She also said that she'd done some research and thought that one night of research was enough to outweigh my lifetime if living it. Yep I cried, again... Don't get me wrong though, I've never really been much of a crier in my time. The weeks of bawling my eyes out were new to me. I think it was out of surprise and embarrassment more than anything at this stage. Like I'd never been through this before and it was sprung on me out of my control so I didn't really know how to react so I just cried silently whilst she went on with her crap.

After listening without speaking for what seemed like a lifetime I couldn't really take much more and went to bed. I didn't have the will or the energy to argue with her so I just let her say her opinions. That night I told Clark. He was on MSN and so was Haley and she kinda spurred me on. I was so shaken up that I didn't really care all that much. He was brilliant about it though. Better than I thought. I thought it would change things, he'd feel uncomfortable and then we'd just slowly drift apart and never speak again. That didn't happen and with his eternally scientific view on everything, he'd send me research that had been done about it and I always felt that he 100% believed that it could be scientifically explained and couldn't be helped. That was so refreshing as others may have treated it more like a terminal illness. At that point it was the best I'd felt in a long long time.

More days at home, more confrontations. This time my dad was present. It wasn't fun. He made his views very clear and I was constantly faced with them telling me that they coul
dn't accept it and therefore they couldn't accept me whilst I thought this way. They talked about it as if it was a mental illness, lumping it in with anorexia and alcoholism. An innocent conversation at first would quickly slide into how they thought I should be in therapy and how 'they would pay for it of course, because that would be doing me a favour'. They saw it as a problem that needed to be fixed as soon as possible and would pay out any money to make sure it wasn't on records. They didn't want to be associated with it at all. Many talks later, me trying my best to keep a lid on my bubbling anger during each one, they decided that I'd made it all up in my head and that because I'd apparently always been 'different' I'd resorted to creating a reason to be different. I spent most of my time in my room trying in vain to see things from their point of view, it was all I could do not to go crazy. When they'd had many talks amongst themselves their ending thoughts were to tell me that if the 'problem' couldn't be fixed that I of course wouldn't need to tell anyone. I could just live alone and say that I 'just hadn't found the right person' in answer to probing questions about my love life. I told them, not very calmly, that that was ridiculous but apart from that I'm so surprised at how little I argued with them. I think I was just resigned to their opinions. They were the dumb sort. The dumb, stupid, uncalculating, unquestioning faith in the fact that their views were absolute truth. I couldn't fight that. I wouldn't fight that. I wouldn't stoop down to their intellectual level on the subject.

Now I know it could have been worse. They could have thrown me out and told me they hated me and in some ways I really think I would have been able to deal with that better. I think their ignorance annoys me more than anything and has made me not able to deal with being at home. So as it stands, bringing us up to present day, I've moved into the house I'd paid for to live in next term as early as possible to resit my exams and live life away from them. They've gone on holiday abroad without me.

Thanks for reading.
Back soon.

Thursday, 14 August 2008


Yep, I'm not proud of it but I'm gonna have to admit that when it comes to certain things I fit the gay stereotype perfectly.
Here are 3 reasons why:

1. Madonna
I know she's old, I've never thought she was that pretty, I've never LOVED her but I suppose I've always respected her. She's topped charts for a very very long time and she has always been willing to reinvent herself to keep up with the world. I mean, she's got the cash to last her more than a couple of lifetimes yet she's still in the industry working hard. She must only be doing it because she loves it so much and that's a good thing, no matter how old she is.

2. Kylie
She's also been around for a while and she's just so loveable. She get's better and better with age (I'm sure many of you will disagree with that), she's fought breast cancer and she's still meant to be one of the sexiest women out there. She does what she does and she does it well and always manages to produce good quality pop that you can have a dance to. She puts on show stopping tours across the globe and I bet is loved in almost every country.

3. Britney
Yeah, Britney's gone crazy, whatever. I don't really care that she's gone crazy to be honest. I care about the fact that when she's not walking into public toilets barefoot or going on a food binge, she's managed to be an icon since a young age. She makes good music (check out her new album, it's the best) even in the midst of shaving her head. When she looks her best, she looks amazing.

Possibly slightly embarassing but I stand by my views! There's nothing better than having a night out, requesting a bit of Britney/Kylie/Madonna and just dancing the night away and I'm sure many of you feel the same. I am so aware of how much of a queen I sound like right now.

Back soon.

Background Story 3: Opening The Door

Picking up pretty much exactly where I left off in the last post, here is the next part of the 'saga'. Read and enjoy.

After telling Amy and having that closeness, that ability to talk about things I'd never spoken to anyone about before, I wanted more. Don't get me wrong, I didn't crave it or anything it was just the time in my life where I wanted more changes. I didn't really have a plan back then, I just wanted more people to know. People I could trust to keep it a secret as I wasn't prepared to go the whole way yet. When I look back, it seems like it was almost straight away after telling Amy that I told someone else but in actual fact it wasn't until April (?) when I took the plunge for the second time. Over the past year I'd been getting ever closer to a girl on my course, let's call her Laura, up to the point where we got together to revise for the May exams fairly regularly. Yep, it was the perfect setting to tell her as we were alone and of a serious frame of mind. I couldn't do it though, not face to face. I ended up sending her a text which was so long that she couldn't open it on her phone which left me thinking 'is this a sign that I shouldn't tell her?' I left it a bit, to see how things would pan out/if she eventually was able to open the text. She wasn't so it was looking like I'd have to pluck up the courage and do it again. Being only the second person to know, it was almost as hard as the first but I cut down the text, made it short and sweet and sent it. A few nail biting minutes later I got one back explaining that she was fine with it and didn't assume either way with people - the exact response I was vying for. We had numerous conversations after that and I suppose me telling her my biggest secret meant that she thought that she could tell me anything so we got even closer as a result, which felt good.

I still wanted things to move faster though and I dunno, maybe I was a bit crazed. Thinking about what I did now, I
really don't think I could do it again in my present state of mind! I think it was about a week later I told Haley. I've known Haley since I was about 11 and known her well since I was 13. This is the type of girl who has been with a lot of guys, lost her virginity at 14 etc. You know the type. Up to present day, she's been engaged about 3 times and even planned to be married only to break it off a couple of weeks before the wedding. She's the same age as me and has almost always gone for older men as she's always been very mature for her age in most aspects of her personality. This meant that she'd kind of guessed I was gay from about year 8 (when we were 12) and dropped hints throughout high school, even asking me outright a couple of times. Of course I denied it but she obviously never believed me. Anyway, at this point in the story I'd recently been talking to her on MSN again. We hadn't spoken for ages because she dropped out of college at 17 and moved in with her boyfriend so it was nice to hear from her. Whenever we talked about dating (the dreaded conversation) she was still the same, leaving questions open ended 'so, do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend at the moment?' which was both good and bad at the time. So, I told her and she was immediately supportive like I expected her to be. She offered to come on the train and visit me for a couple of days that week in fact. I accepted and to cut a long story short those couple of days ended up with her taking me to my first gay club! It was so much fun and I randomly ran into someone I knew from high school, but that's a tale for another time I think.

After that, I finally thought things were moving in the right direction in my life, but I couldn't really have predicted what would happen over the coming weeks.

Thanks for reading.
Back soon with more.

Monday, 11 August 2008

Background Story 2: Chasing Amy


This is installment deux of 'my life in a blog post' and whereas in the last part I talked about my early life, this is gonna be more or less in the past year or so because a lot more has happened!

OK, starting uni in September and mov
ing to Liverpool I seriously thought, 'I'm away from my family, things are gonna change. I'll just be open and honest with everyone', and in theory that seemed like the best idea, something I could really do and move on with my life. After moving in though it was pretty clear that in practice it wasn't going to be as easy. I was on a floor with just guys and that made it hard I suppose, and yeah, I chickened out. I mean these guys were proper lad lads. I'm talking constant conversations about girls and football, on the war path about gays and generally immature about life. With 3 of them attending all boys schools before uni I don't think they'd ever been friends with a girl before and just saw them as objects. One had a girlfriend (who has now broke up with him) but apart from that there was a serious lack of contact. This may not be a bad thing for them but I suppose I'm just illustrating how emotionally stunted and not very accepting they all were. All of this made me think that they couldn't deal with it and would treat me differently and our floor was a tight community, with only 4 other guys in close proximity I could have done without being rejected. Looking back it would've been better to be honest from the start and then just made friends elsewhere, but at the time you want so desperately to be accepted by most and I wasn't really ready I don't think.

Although I couldn't tell the people I'd just met and lived with I still wanted things to change because I was sick of how things were going and the
fact that I wasn't really living life. I was getting older and I was so aware of it. The only close friend at hand was, well I'm not gonna say her real name, let's call her Amy (hence the title). We'd known each other for about 2 years by then, from college (the 16-18 y.o. period in England) but it felt like a lot longer, and we'd got into the same uni and she was the only real tie to my past life.

Now Amy's not really like any other person I've ever met. She's got something about her, however much of a cliché that might sound. Being one of the prettiest people you may ever meet, it's a shock that underneath it all is the personality she has. She generally knows what she's doing in life, she knows how to play it, and I can't really say that for many people. She knows about stuff, real stuff, stuff that'd actually help you, stuff that you only really know once you've had experience. She was pretty much the perfect first person to tell. So after starting uni late September I sucked it up and told her mid to late October. It wasn't face to face like. I wouldn't have been able to deal with that then. It was over MSN and it was probably the most frightening thing I've ever done in my life. When you hold a secret for that long, as I'm sure many of you know, you think it's the biggest deal in the world. It consumes and makes you think differently. I was sick and was shaking like a leaf, it wasn't pretty, but I'd finally said it. Well I was let off the hook because she guessed after I said I needed to talk and referenced to a line in a fall out boy song ('he tastes like you only sweeter' - kinda signalling to how that applies to me), and I confirmed.

After that things got a bit easier. I had someone I felt actually knew me, because no one before then had. I had no trouble talking about the situation and men and stuff, anything really because I'd accepted it so long ago and was doing it all in my head before then anyway. I wanted her to ask questions, I wanted her to know more, I wanted her to know everything because I'd never had that. Since then she's always been there for me, whether we're in the city or not.

Cheers for reading,
I appreciate it.
Back with more soon.

Saturday, 9 August 2008

Let the games begin.

Apologies for the lack of posts in the last week but I've been having problems with the internet connection in my house and don't really have the know-how to fix it to be honest. So at this present moment I'm using the library's wireless to get some stuff done.

As many of you are aware the Olympic games have finally begun in Beijing, which
is quite exciting, and the fact that they're in China is a big deal as well. I mean, I don't really know much about the quibble over human rights and Tibet and why there's a risk of protests and such but I think it's a brilliant opportunity for the world to see China in a different light than the usual 'one child policy, industrial revolution, communism' kinda way. I think this kind of media coverage will do wonders for the country's general stance in international opinions.

I'm a bit sh
ocked as well actually. I've checked the Olympic Medal Count and China has already won 2 golds! It's been like what, less than a day since the lighting of the torch? Unbelievable. I'm sure good old Great Britain won't be that quick off the mark, we'll probably just plod along as usual, picking some up here and there. The real question is, will China overtake the US in medal wins? There's one vote here that says that there is a strong possibility seen as they have 639 athletes. I definitely hope that we randomly have around that number when the Olympics come to London in 2012 but something tells me that with the number of people in Britain compared to China, it is not gonna happen.

I'm not really an athletics junkie so I'm not at all knowledgeable about athletes and who's on form and who's not, so maybe you can tell me who to look out for from your home countries. I will mention Andy Murray though. Not because I particularly like him, I think he's a bit arrogant and annoying to be honest but he is British after all and he's had some good results lately so let's hope he can reproduce some good form in Beijing. There's also a member of the diving team called Tom Daley. He deserves a mention because he's only 14 years of age! That's just crazy. He's something like European champion for his category which is ridiculous. It makes you think of what you've done with your life up to know in comparison.

There is of course men's gymnastics because a lot of them are hot. I don't really know anyone in particular but there's a smattering of hot guys in almost every team really so watch out for them!

Hope you enjoy the Olympics as much as I will.

Back soon.

Monday, 4 August 2008

The Big Gay Blog Post

This is where I list a few of the blogs I:
a)Like to read.
b)Can relate to.
c)Think are pretty.

1. The Great Cock Hunt
This blog has gotten mega over the past year or so and has been going since 2005. The writer's been reviewed in magazines and his blog has won competitions and has been featured in all kinds of stuff, but you probably already knew that as it's well known. I've been reading it for a long time and it's just good fun really. Oh, and it has a pretty layout.

2. London Preppy
I love this guy's sarcastic approach to a lot of things. On his blog are many photos of him and his friends as they go about their lives in london. He writes well and tells a good yarn and he has also had publicity being asked to read at meetings and stuff so he's it's a really good blog! I think his post about advice on going to the gym is brilliant. Him and his friends are also hot.

Blogs I can kinda relate to:

Closet Frat Boy

A Popular Dude's Secret Life

Picture Perfect

There are loads more that I like so I'll be back with more soon.
Keep reading ;)

Saturday, 2 August 2008

Matt Pokora... hot. Period.

If any of you are wondering what my type is, he is pretty much it. I like the tattoos, I like the piercings (maybe the nose ring is a bit much), I like the facial hair, I like the shaved head. Yep, he's pretty much perfect.

He's a french pop star who won a talent show in France called 'Nouvelle Star' and was part of a boy band for a while. They split and he's the only one, as far as I know, that's had any kind of success anywhere. I'd say that he's kinda the french version of Justin Timberlake
(who, by the way, is sooo overrated in attractiveness). He's not very well known worldwide but he has collaborated with the likes of Timbaland on the song 'Dangerous' (see below) which I reckon is a pretty good song.

Apart from him, I think the standard of male celebrities is a bit poor at the moment! If you're gonna look at A-listers, I suppose Colin Farrell's alright if you like that kinda thing and Brad Pitt is really good looking. I've gotta say though, Russell Crowe is sex personified in 'Gladiator'. I can remember being in love for the brief 2 and a half hours of that film! Can someone please explain to me what all the fuss about Matt Damon is nowadays? I need some agreement on this, he's not really THAT hot is he? I think George Clooney is a bit past it as well really. I mean yeah, he has some sex appeal and I suppose I'm not old enough to have seen him in his heyday but let's face it, he's been looking more and more tired every year for a while know. You George Clooney lovers out there, I think it's time to move on!

I'll talk soon!

Friday, 1 August 2008

Background Story 1: The beginning

I guess it's time for 'the post'. Bring you up to present day in my life etc. It's gonna be done in a couple of installments as I have the concentration span similar to a goldfish's. I'll name them all pretty much uniformly so you can see the title and skip them, just in case you suffer from the same condition :p

So here's my sob story:

I come from a conservative, catholic family. Extremely catholic family in fact. I mean, it scares me how blinded by faith my parents are sometimes (it could be worse I know. They could be fundamentalists and part of the West Boro Baptist Church). Brought up with strict morals and church every Sunday how could my parents have 'gone wrong'? I didn't even know what it meant to be gay until I was about 11. That's the start of high school for us here in England and you can imagine my surprise when I found out that being called a 'puff' didn't actually mean that you were posh at all, like I'd been led to believe.

That same year (the year I started high school) my dad caught me on the internet reading some forums about LGBT support. This was after I'd found out what being gay meant, decided I was gay and wanted to know more about it. I was very sure very fast and I dealt with it fast because there was nothing I could really do about it. I bet some of you out there are thinking 'how could you have been sure at that age?' I'll put it this way, I remember from as early as 7 I'd take the Next catalogue (a clothes shop here which my mum used to order clothes from) up to my room and flip through the men's swimwear section. At the time I of course didn't really know why I liked to look at the pictures from that particular section, but I did. Ahem, anyway, back to the story. He caught me reading a forum, shouted at me and told me that it was wrong and that I should never look at anything like that again. After that, he changed the net password (back in the days of AOL dial-up) and never spoke of it again, sinking into denial and thoughts of 'oh, it's just a phase'.

My dad's the type of guy who shouts at the TV whenever there is even a hint of a gay theme. Opinionated, aggressive, narrow-minded and of course the nicest person in the world when there are non-family members present. Despite his opinion I never thought it was wrong, or bad. I don't really know why I didn't to be honest because I didn't really have any other sources of info on the subject. I just knew that it was something I couldn't change. I was, however, very aware of other people's possible opinions and just thought I couldn't tell anyone. I went through high school and college (the 16-18 period in England) not revealing anything and denying any accusations. It wasn't fun but I'm sure many people go through a lot worse so I can't really complain too much. I probably had friends that wouldn't have minded thinking back but I've always been an expert at not thinking about and dealing with things until I absolutely have to, and there isn't a deadline for something like this so I never got round to a plan of action. That was until uni started and I knew I was getting older, things were getting harder to avoid and keep secret. That was probably when most things changed.

Thanks for enduring that.
Back with more soon.

The age of un-innocence.

"Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's, and no one has affairs to remember. Instead, we have breakfast at 7AM, and affairs we try to forget as quickly as possible." - Carrie Bradshaw. Sex and the City: Season 1, Episode 1.

I think that this quote kinda sums up what much of the world has come to. The somewhat cold, harsh reality is that the world out there is not gonna cushion your fall in any way whatsoever. Centred around finding someone to share your life with, if you don't have that person, you're made to feel even more alone. Let's just hope you have a good group of friends to fall back on.